When a senior in high school

 

When a senior in high school, I wrote a term paper – stayed up all night, read four books on the Battle of Gettysburg and wrote the paper -  in  one  fell swoop, or as I like to say, one swell foop. That afternoon I turned that paper in to my English teacher, Ms. what’s her name (Oh, God, what is her name?) who honored me with four A+’s on that paper.  I was stunned, just as I had been when she choose me to read the leads in both the plays we did that year: “Cyrano DeBergerac” and “Abe Lincoln in Illinois” – still to this day two of my great heroes – both for their deeds and for their impeccable eloquence, their love of words and truth and justice and all virtue”.   Never before had a teacher had faith in me; all the others were indifferent or humiliating or punitive, seeing only my dysfunction that stemmed from my errant genes and family horrors, but did not notice my talent nor especially my crying out for love which my actions truly were.

 

So again I had been recognized (and praised even) by this teacher/savior come lately, but I was dying so on the inside, terrified, forlorn …  wallowing in desperate effort just to keep ahead of self destruction – for relief.

 

I’d have chosen the moving on but (my since possessing memory) incessant.nightmare predicting that when I would die, I would float off naked, cold and alone for eternity into empty, infinite space, kept me here.  I am 63 now – 46 years later and am no longer living in that nightmare … and I am writing again.

 

I have many to thank for this, certainly myself and my determination to get better, but primarily my angelic wife I must thank for her resurrection of (and yet so far surpassing) that teacher who saw the light in me even as I railed against that light; And I thank deeply the few friends who stuck with me and also saw the light of God that I, to most, had kept so well hidden in my agitation, in my rage.

 

Pete and Mel, none am I more grateful to, of these than you. Your charity, praise, forgiveness, courage and love for all, and opportunities for me to share my writing

and to perform have given me new life, shown me the way to be a better human and

inspire me to write and perform for great causes as you have done.  By your example and your warmth, you have given me a chance again to be the person God intended me to be. Thanks for believing in me and my poetry. 

 

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