An Addict's Tale

 

An Addict's Tale

by Teak Kilmer

So why did I go to the noise
where I was unwound?
Why did I cease praying, meditating?
For what did I choose forgetting, forgetting God?

I was surrounded with the clatter
of busy, sensual temptations

I went to my addictions
They were mine, not God’s, but
They seemed to allow me to be my own God
to seem to let me be in charge

I created my life, I thought
but I found I had to unceasingly
recreate who I was

I was always afraid, especially
when my addictions were threatened
These, I thought, would make me happy
They did not

I now have come to dedication and honesty
Courage to seek my true self
have traded my control for surrender
traded avoidance for connection
for trust, for community

Centered
in the care of God
in the blessings of the twelve steps
and the loving support of my groups

I do indeed … surrender