Swine Swoon
SWINE SWOON
by Teak Kilmer
At Cursive Writers’ group
today I misheard a word and it sounded thus: smoot. I filed that sound in my spherical mental
basket for potential later use. Cathy, our noble leader of letters du
jour, today presented photos of animals posing oddly yet charmingly. One was of two pigs snuggling. “File that for future reference”, I tell my
inner secretary. Next Cathy reads relevant inspiration to us and recommends
spending our writing efforts mumbling through the not so ordinary and meaningless.
Hence the work … “Swine Swoon”.
All Hail the World’s Most Precious and Prodigious …
and Most
Pervasive Pink Pig Smoot –
the annual grand global, quite slimy, much too
intimate
Stinking…the whole hog…hugging and cuddling contest
Porcine types wallow from around the sphere to gather
into togetherness, slapping pork chop to pork rind …
porkers pork; they bring home the bacon
That’s what they do … But; there’s a rub, well, the
other rub.
You see, the object of the competition is to
prolong the finality of this paradise of primrose ‘porkification’
just short of the ultimate satiation of the … ‘Scarlet
Porkernell’
which not quite without unintention is also the … nome du trophy
ASIDE TO AUDIENCE: ZOUNDS, I
MUST CLEAR MY CONSCIENCE FORTHWITH AND ADMIT MY ERROR IN NOT FOLLOWING THE
DIRECTIONS OF BEING ABOUT THE BUSINESS OF THE UNORDINARY AND THE WORTHLESS, FOR
THIS THAT I WRITE IS THE VERY LICENTIOUS, HUMOROUS DRIVEL I REVEL IN AT THE
DROP OF … UH … AT THE DROP OF … HEY … DON’T GET ME STARTED.
So, you are probably
wondering what the flock smoot means
Well, I’ll tell you
the word is conjugated – smit, smoot smut
Therefore, I submit: I smit, I smoot, I have smut
Now you must be seized with rapturous
knowingness
As you swoon in thoughts of yourself smooting and
appreciative of the challenging delay of the eruption of the cherished Scarlet Pimpernel
Your thoughts must
quick … to how does one pick the Chosen Ones?
Let me tell ‘ya: There be a convolution of
criteria … ‘chaosed’ in
a sea of disgustments by impassioned,
emotionally-upheaveled swine
unsurpassed and indeed unwarranted in degree and
frequency in
acts of ‘repulsification’ ad nauseum, but …
to them, you can tell, it is an act of Divinity
Personally I would we were at table forking them,
but alas our time is up
and just when I was about to unspare you of the putrid,
‘pignacious’ details
Oh well, see you next time and …
Good luck not thinking about a pervasive pervasion of
porking pigs
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteA true porkalicious delight and a arduous challenge to the fine art of oratory! Well done sir.
DeleteAn adult Dr. Sues would approve! It just needs illustrations!
ReplyDeleteThank for challenge of speaking this one clearly
ReplyDelete