Swine Swoon

 

SWINE SWOON

by Teak Kilmer

March 5, 2009

 

 

 

At Cursive Writers’ group today I misheard a word and it sounded thus: smoot.   I filed that sound in my spherical mental basket for potential later use. Cathy, our noble leader of letters du jour, today presented photos of animals posing oddly yet charmingly.  One was of two pigs snuggling.  “File that for future reference”, I tell my inner secretary. Next Cathy reads relevant inspiration to us and recommends spending our writing efforts mumbling through the not so ordinary and meaningless. Hence the work … “Swine Swoon”.

 

 

All Hail the World’s Most Precious and Prodigious …

 and Most Pervasive Pink Pig Smoot –

the annual grand global, quite slimy, much too intimate

Stinking…the whole hog…hugging and cuddling contest

 

Porcine types wallow from around the sphere to gather

into togetherness, slapping pork chop to pork rind …

porkers pork; they bring home the bacon

That’s what they do … But; there’s a rub, well, the other rub.

 

You see, the object of the competition is to

prolong the finality of this paradise of primrose ‘porkification’

just short of the ultimate satiation of the … ‘Scarlet Porkernell’

which not quite without unintention is also the … nome du trophy

 

ASIDE TO AUDIENCE: ZOUNDS, I MUST CLEAR MY CONSCIENCE FORTHWITH AND ADMIT MY ERROR IN NOT FOLLOWING THE DIRECTIONS OF BEING ABOUT THE BUSINESS OF THE UNORDINARY AND THE WORTHLESS, FOR THIS THAT I WRITE IS THE VERY LICENTIOUS, HUMOROUS DRIVEL I REVEL IN AT THE DROP OF … UH … AT THE DROP OF … HEY … DON’T GET ME STARTED.

 

So, you are probably wondering what the flock smoot means

        Well, I’ll tell you

      the word is conjugated – smit, smoot smut

 Therefore, I submit: I smit, I smoot, I have smut

 Now you must be seized with rapturous knowingness

 

As you swoon in thoughts of yourself smooting and appreciative of the challenging delay of the eruption of the cherished Scarlet Pimpernel

Your thoughts must quick … to how does one pick the Chosen Ones?

Let me tell ‘ya: There be a convolution of criteria … ‘chaosed’ in

 

a sea of disgustments by impassioned, emotionally-upheaveled swine

unsurpassed and indeed unwarranted in degree and frequency in

acts of ‘repulsification’ ad nauseum, but …

to them, you can tell, it is an act of Divinity

 

Personally I would we were at table forking them, but alas our time is up

and just when I was about to unspare you of the putrid, ‘pignacious’ details

Oh well, see you next time and …

Good luck not thinking about a pervasive pervasion of porking pigs


Comments

  1. Remlik MartinApril 8, 2022 at 12:07 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Remlik MartinNovember 1, 2022 at 5:20 PM

      A true porkalicious delight and a arduous challenge to the fine art of oratory! Well done sir.

      Delete
  2. Julie JeatranNovember 5, 2022 at 9:26 PM

    An adult Dr. Sues would approve! It just needs illustrations!

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousFebruary 29, 2024 at 4:23 PM

    Thank for challenge of speaking this one clearly

    ReplyDelete

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